This is the website of Neil McDougall, a musician/blogger/podcaster/bookie from Ayrshire.

One for my muso friends..

A MUSICAL BAR JOKE

A C, an E-flat,and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the endof the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight,come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial,is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest – and closes the bar.

This entry was written by NeiloMac, posted on March 15, 2007 at 4:30 pm, filed under humour, music and tagged , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.



That music meme…

Nabbed from various people on my friends list…thirteen questions, the answers generated by the first 13 random songs on my Winamp playlist.

1. What do you think of me, Random Music Player?

One Vision – Queen

…Right…

2. Will I have a happy life?

Heartbreaker – Led Zeppelin

But whose hearts are getting broken?

3. What do my friends really think of me?

Altered Course – Isis

Erm, that’s a stretch to make sense of. 😛

4. What does my S.O. think of me?

Great King Rat – Queen

I’d be upset by this…if I had a significant other.

5. Do people secretly lust after me?

In The Mystery – Allan Holdsworth

Bah.

6. How can I make myself happy?

Alaska – UK

Nah, too cold.

7. What should I do with my life?

Tender Surrender – Steve Vai

To what, though?

8. Why must life be so full of pain?

The Chase is Better Than The Catch – Motorhead

Too true.

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?

Cross Eyed Mary – Iron Maiden

I hear she’s shite in bed.

10. Can you give me some advice?

Where Did You Sleep Last Night? – Nirvana

Dammit, I asked for advice, not a bloody interrogation.

11. What do you think happiness is?

Rooster – Alice In Chains

You sick fuck.

12. Do you have any advice to give over the next few hours/days?

Fool You – King’s X

Fool who?

13. Will I die happy?

Electric Hellfire – Black Label Society

Sounds painful. 😛

This entry was written by NeiloMac, posted on September 23, 2005 at 12:14 pm, filed under humour, life, music and tagged , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.



I bet you always wondered…

What kind of D&D Character I’d be….

I Am A: Chaotic Good GnomeBard Ranger

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Gnomes are also short, like dwarves, but much skinnier. They have no beards, and are very inclined towards technology, although they have been known to dabble in magic, too. They tend to be fun-loving and fond of jokes and humor. Some gnomes live underground, and some live in cities and villages. They are very tolerant of other races, and are generally well-liked, though occasionally considered frivolous.

Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Deity:
Finder Wyvernspur is the Chaotic Neutral god of the cycle of life and the transformation of art, although he leans heavily towards Good. He is also known as the Nameless Bard. Followers of Finder believe that everything must change in order to grow and thrive. Their preferred weapon is the bastard sword.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

A Gnome? WTF? I knew I was a short-arse, but that’s taking the biscuit.

This entry was written by NeiloMac, posted on June 11, 2005 at 10:40 am, filed under geekery, humour and tagged , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.